1 00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,509 MELISSA & JOEY IS RECORDED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 2 00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,641 1500 BUCKS FOR A STORAGE LOCKER? 3 00:00:11,642 --> 00:00:13,313 WHY ARE THEY BIDDING SO MUCH? 4 00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:14,784 WELL, 'CAUSE HE'S JUST TRYING TO SCREW THE OTHER GUY OVER. 5 00:00:14,785 --> 00:00:16,546 SEE, IT'S NOT REALLY ABOUT THE STORAGE. 6 00:00:16,547 --> 00:00:18,318 IT'S ABOUT THE WAR. 7 00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:19,619 ALL BOYS OUT 8 00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:20,720 'CAUSE I GOT A FRIEND COMING OVER. 9 00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:22,192 WHERE'RE YOUR TELEVISION MANNERS? 10 00:00:22,193 --> 00:00:23,693 I'M OUT. 11 00:00:23,694 --> 00:00:24,794 LEAVE MY BEER. 12 00:00:24,795 --> 00:00:26,427 YEAH, I WAS JUST CLEARING. 13 00:00:27,398 --> 00:00:30,600 SO LET ME GUESS. 14 00:00:30,601 --> 00:00:32,031 10 O'CLOCK AT NIGHT COOKIE DOUGH... 15 00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,433 ONE OF YOUR GAL PALS JUST GOT DUMPED 16 00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:34,734 AND YOU'RE THE FRIEND THAT'S ON CALL. 17 00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:36,035 YEAH, YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? 18 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,307 WOMEN ARE SUPPORTIVE OF THEIR FRIENDS 19 00:00:37,308 --> 00:00:38,808 NO MATTER THE HOUR. 20 00:00:38,809 --> 00:00:40,710 OH MY GOD, YOU'RE BEING DEFENSIVE. 21 00:00:40,711 --> 00:00:42,442 IT'S ANITA, ISN'T IT? 22 00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:44,344 SO WHAT IF IT IS? SHE'S ONE OF MY OLDEST FRIENDS. 23 00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:45,745 YEAH, SURE. ONE OF YOUR OLDEST FRIENDS 24 00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:47,377 THAT RUINED YOUR 20th BIRTHDAY PARTY 25 00:00:47,378 --> 00:00:48,778 WHEN SHE WAS MAKING OUT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. 26 00:00:48,779 --> 00:00:50,320 OH, AND RUINED YOUR 25th BIRTHDAY PARTY 27 00:00:50,321 --> 00:00:51,721 WHEN SHE PUT ECSTASY IN YOUR PUNCH. 28 00:00:51,722 --> 00:00:52,782 AND RUINED YOUR 30th BIRTHDAY PARTY 29 00:00:52,783 --> 00:00:54,424 WHEN SHE INVITED THAT STRIPPER OVER 30 00:00:54,425 --> 00:00:56,786 WHO WAS DRESSED UP AS A COP AND THEN HE ROBBED EVERYBODY. 31 00:00:56,787 --> 00:00:59,359 OH, YOU DO LISTEN TO MY STORIES. 32 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,531 WELL, YEAH, SURE. THE ANITA ONE'S STICK 33 00:01:01,532 --> 00:01:02,832 BECAUSE OF ALL THE CRAZY GLUE. 34 00:01:02,833 --> 00:01:04,764 MEL, THIS GIRL IS NO GOOD FOR YOU. 35 00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:05,795 YOU'VE OUTGROWN HER. 36 00:01:05,796 --> 00:01:07,137 SHE NEEDS ME. 37 00:01:07,138 --> 00:01:08,698 SHE GIVES ME THESE PUPPY-DOG EYES. 38 00:01:08,699 --> 00:01:11,201 - AND I CAN'T SAY NO. - ( doorbell rings ) 39 00:01:11,202 --> 00:01:12,742 DON'T DO IT. DON'T OPEN THAT DOOR, MEL, 40 00:01:12,743 --> 00:01:14,144 AND BECOME THAT BLONDE THAT GETS KILLED 41 00:01:14,145 --> 00:01:15,745 IN THE FIRST THREE MINUTES OF A HORROR MOVIE. 42 00:01:15,746 --> 00:01:18,478 I AM CAPABLE OF BOUNDARIES. 43 00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:20,450 YOU KNOW, IT'LL BE ONE HOUR, 44 00:01:20,451 --> 00:01:21,751 SOME COOKIE DOUGH, A CLEANSING CRY, 45 00:01:21,752 --> 00:01:22,782 AND IT'S GOOD NIGHT, ANITA. 46 00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:24,154 YEAH, OKAY. THAT COULD WORK... 47 00:01:24,155 --> 00:01:25,816 IF YOU DRIVE A STAKE THROUGH HER HEART. 48 00:01:28,119 --> 00:01:29,759 - MELLY. - ANITA. 49 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:31,621 - AWW. - HI. 50 00:01:31,622 --> 00:01:33,123 OH, LOOK AT ME. 51 00:01:33,124 --> 00:01:34,794 I AM A RAW OPEN WOUND 52 00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,766 AND YOU'RE THE BEAUTIFUL NURSE I NEED. 53 00:01:36,767 --> 00:01:37,867 OH, THAT I AM. 54 00:01:37,868 --> 00:01:39,629 OKAY, WELL, 55 00:01:39,630 --> 00:01:41,531 LET'S GET YOU HOOKED UP TO A COOKIE DOUGH I.V. 56 00:01:41,532 --> 00:01:43,633 AND TALK ABOUT WHAT A JERK THAT HENRY IS. 57 00:01:43,634 --> 00:01:45,805 FOR ONLY AN HOUR... 58 00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:48,438 'CAUSE THAT'S ALL THE TIME HE DESERVES. 59 00:01:48,439 --> 00:01:50,740 ACTUALLY, THE MEDICINE I NEED TO GET OVER HENRY 60 00:01:50,741 --> 00:01:52,782 IS A FEW MARTINIS AND A CUTE BARTENDER. 61 00:01:52,783 --> 00:01:54,444 I KNOW ABOUT A PARTY DOWNTOWN. WE GOT TO GO. 62 00:01:54,445 --> 00:01:55,685 NO, NO, NO. 63 00:01:55,686 --> 00:01:56,816 THIS GIRL'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE TONIGHT. 64 00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:58,788 BUT YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE I CAN COUNT ON. 65 00:01:58,789 --> 00:02:00,650 THERE IS NO ONE ELSE, 66 00:02:00,651 --> 00:02:02,522 NURSE? 67 00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:03,693 I'M REALLY SORRY, ANITA, 68 00:02:03,694 --> 00:02:05,455 BUT I HAVE A REALLY BIG MEETING WITH THE MAYOR 69 00:02:05,456 --> 00:02:06,526 FIRST THING IN THE MORNING. 70 00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:09,829 OH, BUT MEL... 71 00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:11,231 DON'T GIVE ME THE PUPPY-DOG EYES. 72 00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:12,802 OKAY, I'M NOT PUTTING ON MY LITTLE BLACK DRESS 73 00:02:12,803 --> 00:02:15,134 AND MY PLATFORM HEELS AND GOING OUT TONIGHT. 74 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,637 NOT GONNA HAPPEN. 75 00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:19,340 ( groans ) 76 00:02:20,371 --> 00:02:22,212 I NEED ASPIRIN. 77 00:02:22,213 --> 00:02:23,314 HORSE ASPIRIN. 78 00:02:24,515 --> 00:02:26,516 THERE'S A GUY IN MY HEAD WITH A HAMMER 79 00:02:26,517 --> 00:02:29,219 AND ONE OF US MUST DIE. 80 00:02:29,220 --> 00:02:30,680 UH, YOU'RE JUST GETTING HOME? 81 00:02:30,681 --> 00:02:33,152 WHAT HAPPENED TO ONE HOUR AND BYE-BYE, ANITA? 82 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:36,387 UH, YOU HAVE NO IDEA OF THE POWER OF THE PUPPY-DOG EYES. 83 00:02:40,791 --> 00:02:46,767 ♪ I GUESS YOU'RE STUCK WITH ME ♪ 84 00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:50,540 I REALIZE THIS MEETING'S BEEN SET FOR THREE WEEKS 85 00:02:50,541 --> 00:02:52,542 AND I'M SO SORRY I MISSED IT, BUT I WAS REALLY HOPING 86 00:02:52,543 --> 00:02:53,903 THAT THE MAYOR MIGHT BE ABLE TO RESCHEDULE 87 00:02:53,904 --> 00:02:55,675 FOR SOME TIME LATER TODAY. 88 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:58,408 - PLEASE DON'T LAUGH. - ( dial tone ) 89 00:02:58,409 --> 00:02:59,709 HELLO. 90 00:02:59,710 --> 00:03:01,211 ANITA MADE YOU MISS YOUR MEETING WITH THE MAYOR? 91 00:03:01,212 --> 00:03:02,752 ( scoffs ) LOOK AT THAT. SHE'S RUINING YOUR LIFE 92 00:03:02,753 --> 00:03:04,384 AND IT'S NOT EVEN YOUR BIRTHDAY. 93 00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:05,855 YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GONNA CALL BACK 94 00:03:05,856 --> 00:03:07,557 AND SAY MY GREAT-AUNT AGNES DIED. 95 00:03:07,558 --> 00:03:09,659 YEAH, AND IT'S NOT A LIE BECAUSE SHE DID DIE 96 00:03:09,660 --> 00:03:11,291 LIKE EIGHT YEARS AGO. 97 00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:14,224 LOOK AT WHAT HOLLY'S DONE TO ME. 98 00:03:14,225 --> 00:03:15,725 HOLLY? I THOUGHT YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND 99 00:03:15,726 --> 00:03:17,867 WAS DONE DOING THINGS TO YOU. 100 00:03:17,868 --> 00:03:19,899 NO, LOOK, LAST WEEK SHE UNFRIENDED ME 101 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:22,201 AND EVERYONE'S FOLLOWED HER LIKE SHEEP. 102 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,774 I USED TO HAVE 683. 103 00:03:24,775 --> 00:03:26,476 NOW I'M DOWN TO THE 400s. 104 00:03:26,477 --> 00:03:28,207 I HAVE LESS THAN GRANDMA. 105 00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,680 WELL, YOUR GRANDMA ROCKS A LITTLE HARDER THAN YOU DO. 106 00:03:30,681 --> 00:03:32,542 IT'S ERODING MY SELF-ESTEEM. 107 00:03:32,543 --> 00:03:33,713 YEAH? 108 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,345 YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE GOOD FOR YOUR SELF-ESTEEM? 109 00:03:35,346 --> 00:03:36,916 TO IMPRESS YOUR TEACHER, WHICH IS ME. 110 00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:37,917 YOU STILL OWE ME THAT THOUSAND WORD ESSAY 111 00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:38,918 ON A SHAKESPEARE PLAY. 112 00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,920 FRIGGIN' SHAKESPEARE. 113 00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:42,922 ( mockingly ) OOH, I WROTE 500 PLAYS. 114 00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:44,825 I KISSED GWYNETH PALTROW. 115 00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:49,559 WELL, ON HER DEATH BED, MY AUNT AGNES SAID 116 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:52,802 "HONEY, DO WELL WITH THAT MEETING WITH THE MAYOR." 117 00:03:52,803 --> 00:03:55,335 - ( dial tone ) - HELLO? 118 00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:57,367 HELLO? 119 00:03:57,368 --> 00:03:58,708 I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU JUST DIDN'T 120 00:03:58,709 --> 00:03:59,839 DITCH ANITA LAST NIGHT AND COME HOME. 121 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,841 IT'S NOT LIKE YOU WERE HANDCUFFED TO HER. 122 00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:03,743 ACTUALLY, I WAS HANDCUFFED TO HER. 123 00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:06,377 ANITA DRAGGED ME TO A VERY STRANGE PARTY. 124 00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:09,479 NO, NOT THAT KIND OF PARTY. 125 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,782 THERE WAS A MAGICIAN AND NOT A VERY GOOD ONE. 126 00:04:12,783 --> 00:04:15,355 YEAH, HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO FIND A 24-HOUR LOCKSMITH 127 00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:17,827 WITH A PASSED-OUT WOMAN ATTACHED TO YOU? 128 00:04:17,828 --> 00:04:20,490 NO COMMENT. 129 00:04:20,491 --> 00:04:21,931 WHAT ELSE NEEDS TO HAPPEN 130 00:04:21,932 --> 00:04:23,262 BEFORE YOU DUMP THIS WOMAN, HUH? 131 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:24,664 WHAT, DOES SHE NEED TO SET YOU ON FIRE? 132 00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:26,666 OH, SHE ALREADY DID THAT. 133 00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,498 SPRING BREAK JUNIOR YEAR, 134 00:04:28,499 --> 00:04:30,870 SHE TALKED ME INTO DOING FLAMING BODY SHOTS. 135 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,271 THE GOOD NEWS, I DIDN'T HAVE TO GET 136 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,943 A BIKINI WAX FOR A WHOLE YEAR. 137 00:04:33,944 --> 00:04:36,476 LOOK, YOU NEED TO GET RID OF THIS FRIEND AND YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT. 138 00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:38,808 I KNOW, BUT HOW DO YOU END IT WITH A FRIEND? 139 00:04:38,809 --> 00:04:40,650 THE SAME WAY YOU END IT WITH AN EMPLOYEE. 140 00:04:40,651 --> 00:04:42,652 LOOK, IN MY PREVIOUS LIFE, BEFORE THIS KITCHEN, 141 00:04:42,653 --> 00:04:44,614 I FIRED A LOT OF PEOPLE AND I FIRED THEM WELL. 142 00:04:44,615 --> 00:04:45,785 LOOK, LET ME SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE. 143 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:46,816 OKAY, YOU BE ANITA AND I'LL BE YOU. 144 00:04:46,817 --> 00:04:48,418 - OKAY. - ALL RIGHT. 145 00:04:48,419 --> 00:04:49,789 ANITA, HEY, LISTEN. 146 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,321 EFFECTIVE TODAY, I'M TERMINATING 147 00:04:51,322 --> 00:04:52,692 THIS FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN THE TWO OF US. 148 00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:53,923 THIS IS A VERY DIFFICULT CONVERSATION TO HAVE, 149 00:04:53,924 --> 00:04:55,725 BUT NEITHER ARE WE MUTUALLY BENEFITING 150 00:04:55,726 --> 00:04:56,966 FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP ANYMORE. 151 00:04:56,967 --> 00:04:59,729 BUT I AM SURE THAT WITH YOUR WINNING ATTITUDE 152 00:04:59,730 --> 00:05:00,900 AND YOUR POSITIVE PERSONALITY, 153 00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:02,532 THAT YOU WILL FIND A NEW FRIEND IN NO TIME. 154 00:05:02,533 --> 00:05:03,874 THANK YOU SO MUCH. GOOD LUCK. 155 00:05:05,636 --> 00:05:07,076 I DIDN'T GET TO SAY ANYTHING. 156 00:05:07,077 --> 00:05:09,008 YEAH, THAT'S HOW IT WORKS. YOU'VE JUST BEEN FIRED... 157 00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:10,510 BY THE BEST. 158 00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:12,081 ( door locks ) 159 00:05:12,082 --> 00:05:13,683 ( door rattles ) 160 00:05:13,684 --> 00:05:14,914 HEY, HEY! ( knocking ) 161 00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:17,488 DON'T MAKE ME CALL SECURITY. 162 00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:21,991 OH MAN, I NEED TO SEE WHAT TIME I'M SUPPOSED TO PICK UP MY LITTLE SISTER, 163 00:05:21,992 --> 00:05:23,693 BUT MY PHONES DEAD. CAN I BORROW YOURS? 164 00:05:23,694 --> 00:05:25,355 OH, YEAH, SURE. 165 00:05:25,356 --> 00:05:27,597 MY PASSCODE IS 2742, 166 00:05:27,598 --> 00:05:29,629 OH MY GOD. 167 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:32,732 I JUST GAVE YOU MY PASSCODE. 168 00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:33,863 WOW, THAT'S TRUE. YOU DID. 169 00:05:33,864 --> 00:05:37,407 I NEVER DID THAT BEFORE WITH A BOY. 170 00:05:37,408 --> 00:05:39,539 I'M YOUR FIRST? 171 00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,070 YOU ARE. 172 00:05:41,071 --> 00:05:42,772 MINE'S 8432. 173 00:05:42,773 --> 00:05:44,974 UH, I'LL NEVER FORGET IT. 174 00:05:44,975 --> 00:05:47,076 WAIT, WHAT WAS IT AGAIN? 175 00:05:47,077 --> 00:05:49,048 - 8432. - RIGHT. 176 00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:50,750 - YEAH. - SPEAKING OF NUMBERS, 177 00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:53,883 I WAS WONDERING, DID YOU EVER GET YOUR S.A.T. SCORES? 178 00:05:53,884 --> 00:05:55,686 NO. 179 00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,388 NAH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. 180 00:05:58,389 --> 00:05:59,759 IT'S WEIRD, YOU KNOW? 181 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,090 THEY SENT IT TO THE WRONG EMAIL, I GUESS. 182 00:06:01,091 --> 00:06:03,834 MAYBE S.A.T. STANDS FOR "SORRY ABOUT THAT." 183 00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:09,839 HEY, GUYS. YOU TWO ARE SO CUTE. 184 00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:10,970 WHEN I USED TO TELL MY MOM 185 00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:12,602 THAT I WAS AT MY BOYFRIEND'S STUDYING, 186 00:06:12,603 --> 00:06:15,505 WE WERE ACTUALLY... 187 00:06:15,506 --> 00:06:17,076 STUDYING, JUST STUDYING. CARRY ON. 188 00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:19,779 AREN'T YOU CURIOUS, THOUGH? 189 00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:21,751 I MEAN IT'S KIND OF IMPORTANT. 190 00:06:21,752 --> 00:06:24,584 NO, THE COLLEGES SEE THE S.A.T. SCORES 191 00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:26,486 SO I DON'T NEED TO SEE MINE. 192 00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:27,757 NOT LIKE IT'S GONNA CHANGE MY LIFE. 193 00:06:27,758 --> 00:06:29,760 UH, YOU ARE SO EVOLVED. 194 00:06:34,425 --> 00:06:36,826 HE IS SO LYING! WHY IS HE LYING?! 195 00:06:36,827 --> 00:06:39,068 I SHOWED HIM MINE AND HE WON'T SHOW ME HIS. 196 00:06:39,069 --> 00:06:40,530 AND JUST TO BE CLEAR, 197 00:06:40,531 --> 00:06:42,932 WE'RE STILL TALKING ABOUT S.A.T. SCORES HERE? 198 00:06:42,933 --> 00:06:44,133 WHAT'S HE HIDING? 199 00:06:44,134 --> 00:06:45,775 WE JUST SWAPPED PHONE PASSCODES 200 00:06:45,776 --> 00:06:47,477 AND NOW HE'S KEEPING SECRETS? 201 00:06:47,478 --> 00:06:50,079 MEN ARE SENSITIVE ABOUT THE SIZE OF THEIR SCORES. 202 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:54,083 OH, SO YOU THINK HE DIDN'T DO SO HOT. 203 00:06:54,084 --> 00:06:55,945 LENNOX, YOU DID EXTREMELY WELL. 204 00:06:55,946 --> 00:06:57,146 I'M SURE HE'S EMBARRASSED 205 00:06:57,147 --> 00:06:58,518 AND AFRAID YOU WON'T WANT TO DATE HIM 206 00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:00,520 WHEN YOU FIND OUT HIS SCORES ARE... 207 00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,722 WELL, TECHNICALLY, ( squeaks ). 208 00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:05,895 WELL, I'M NOT GONNA JUDGE HIM FOR HIS SCORE. 209 00:07:05,896 --> 00:07:07,927 I MEAN, IF I DID BETTER, I DID BETTER. 210 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,599 HONEY, YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL 211 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:10,900 WITH GUYS AND THEIR EGOS. 212 00:07:10,901 --> 00:07:12,131 MEN ARE FRAGILE CREATURES. 213 00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:13,733 TREAD LIGHTLY. 214 00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:16,806 YOU SHOULD TELL HIM THAT YOU DON'T THINK S.A.T. SCORES ARE IMPORTANT. 215 00:07:16,807 --> 00:07:19,038 SO JUST SAY SOMETHING THAT MAKES HIM FEEL GOOD? 216 00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:21,771 YEAH, EVERYONE LIKES TO HAVE THEIR EGOS STROKED. 217 00:07:21,772 --> 00:07:23,743 ESPECIALLY IF THEY'RE A LITTLE INSECURE. 218 00:07:23,744 --> 00:07:25,114 THANKS, AUNT MEL. 219 00:07:25,115 --> 00:07:27,076 YOU ALWAYS KNOW JUST WHAT TO SAY 220 00:07:27,077 --> 00:07:28,748 TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. 221 00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:31,952 AND YOU'RE SO WISE AND SO PRETTY. 222 00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:34,755 THANKS, HONEY. 223 00:07:36,226 --> 00:07:38,659 WAIT A MINUTE. 224 00:07:40,531 --> 00:07:41,791 - HELLO, JOE. - HEY. 225 00:07:41,792 --> 00:07:44,734 WOW, LOOK AT YOU. YOU LOOK GREAT. 226 00:07:44,735 --> 00:07:46,866 LIKE YOU JUST LOST 120 POUNDS... 227 00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,698 OF UNWANTED FRIEND. 228 00:07:48,699 --> 00:07:50,700 I DID EXACTLY WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO WITH ANITA. 229 00:07:50,701 --> 00:07:51,901 I PUT MY ARM AROUND HER SHOULDER. 230 00:07:51,902 --> 00:07:53,042 AND I GAVE HER THE HEAVE-HO SPEECH. 231 00:07:53,043 --> 00:07:54,805 AND I HEAVED THAT HOE. 232 00:07:56,507 --> 00:07:57,807 YEAH, AND WE HAD A GOOD-BYE HUG 233 00:07:57,808 --> 00:07:59,078 AND THERE HASN'T BEEN A CALL OR TEXT SINCE. 234 00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:01,711 ANYWAY, ANITA IS NOW IN MY REARVIEW MIRROR 235 00:08:01,712 --> 00:08:03,252 AND FADING FAST. 236 00:08:03,253 --> 00:08:04,984 GO ON, ADMIT IT. IT FELT GOOD, DIDN'T IT? 237 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,786 YEAH, IT KINDA DID. 238 00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:08,918 YEAH, THAT'S THE ASSASSIN'S RUSH. 239 00:08:08,919 --> 00:08:11,722 GOD, I MISS THAT. 240 00:08:14,865 --> 00:08:15,995 ALL RIGHT, A QUARTER POUND OF BURATTA, 241 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,727 MY LOAF OF FOCACCIA, MY TRUFFLE OIL. 242 00:08:17,728 --> 00:08:20,099 WHERE'S MY SOPPRESSATA? 243 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:22,732 SOLD THE LAST QUARTER POUND TO THE LADY OVER THERE. 244 00:08:22,733 --> 00:08:24,073 ALDO, THAT'S MY STANDING ORDER. 245 00:08:24,074 --> 00:08:25,905 I GET THAT ORDER EVERY SINGLE WEEK. 246 00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:27,877 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST GAVE MY SOPPRESSATA TO SOMEBODY ELSE. 247 00:08:27,878 --> 00:08:29,880 SHE'S GOT BETTER LEGS THAN YOU. 248 00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:35,615 EXCUSE ME, MISS. 249 00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:36,846 I'M SORRY, I THINK YOU HAVE MY... 250 00:08:36,847 --> 00:08:38,788 - ANITA. - JOE? 251 00:08:38,789 --> 00:08:40,149 HEY, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU SHOP HERE. 252 00:08:40,150 --> 00:08:41,751 THIS IS MY SPOT. 253 00:08:41,752 --> 00:08:43,222 WELL, I DON'T COME HERE OFTEN, 254 00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:45,925 BUT I WAS PICKING UP THINGS FOR A FRIEND'S GALLERY OPENING. 255 00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,797 AND I JUST KNEW THIS WOULD BE THE PLACE TO... 256 00:08:47,798 --> 00:08:48,928 STEAL MY SOPPRESSATA? 257 00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:52,001 WELL, I AM NOT GIVING IT BACK. 258 00:08:52,002 --> 00:08:54,964 NOT THAT I COULD STOP YOU WITH THOSE ARMS OF YOURS. 259 00:08:54,965 --> 00:08:56,806 I JUST WANT TO TOUCH THEM. 260 00:08:56,807 --> 00:08:57,907 I KNOW. 261 00:08:57,908 --> 00:09:01,070 I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T ASK PERMISSION. 262 00:09:01,071 --> 00:09:03,112 YOU KNOW, FIRST TASTE IS FREE. 263 00:09:03,113 --> 00:09:05,575 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. 264 00:09:05,576 --> 00:09:07,146 I'LL GIVE YOU THE SOPPRESSATA... 265 00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:08,177 OH THAT'S VERY GENEROUS OF YOU. 266 00:09:08,178 --> 00:09:09,749 BUT YOU HAVE TO PROMISE 267 00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:11,681 TO COME TO THE GALLERY TONIGHT WITH ME. 268 00:09:11,682 --> 00:09:13,853 OH JEEZE. UH... 269 00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:16,055 NO, I DON'T THINK I SHOULD DO THAT. 270 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,727 I MEAN, WITH EVERYTHING GOING ON BETWEEN YOU AND MEL, 271 00:09:17,728 --> 00:09:19,188 I DON'T REALLY WANT TO GET IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT. 272 00:09:19,189 --> 00:09:21,662 OH, BUT JOE... 273 00:09:23,834 --> 00:09:26,796 WHEW, SO I HAVE TO TELL YOU 274 00:09:26,797 --> 00:09:28,297 THAT GALLERY SHOW WAS PRETTY GOOD. 275 00:09:28,298 --> 00:09:30,640 BUT IT'S A SHAME THEY COULDN'T FRAME WHAT WE JUST DID 276 00:09:30,641 --> 00:09:33,342 BECAUSE THAT WAS A WORK OF ART. 277 00:09:33,343 --> 00:09:35,075 ( both giggle ) 278 00:09:40,150 --> 00:09:41,852 ( whistling ) 279 00:09:42,853 --> 00:09:44,183 MEL, HEY. 280 00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:45,855 IT'S ALMOST 9 O'CLOCK. WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? 281 00:09:45,856 --> 00:09:46,956 WELL, I COULDN'T DECIDE 282 00:09:46,957 --> 00:09:48,818 IF I WANTED TO WEAR MY HAIR UP OR DOWN 283 00:09:48,819 --> 00:09:50,019 OR HALF-UP HALF-DOWN. 284 00:09:50,020 --> 00:09:52,061 IT'S ON YOUR HEAD. IT LOOKS GREAT. 285 00:09:52,062 --> 00:09:53,923 THAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. NOW LET'S GET YOU OFF TO WORK. 286 00:09:53,924 --> 00:09:55,164 BUT I HAVEN'T HAD MY COFFEE YET. 287 00:09:55,165 --> 00:09:56,926 GRAB IT ON THE WAY. GRAB IT ON THE WAY. 288 00:09:56,927 --> 00:09:58,898 GO TO ONE OF THOSE LITTLE MOM AND POP PLACES. IT WILL HELP THE ECONOMY. 289 00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:00,069 - COME ON. - I DON'T THINK SO. 290 00:10:00,070 --> 00:10:01,300 ALL RIGHT, SO GO TO A BIG CHAIN. 291 00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:02,702 IT ALL JUST TRICKLES DOWN ANYWAY. 292 00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:03,803 THE MOST IMPORTANT THING 293 00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:05,074 IS NOTHING DELAYS YOU FROM LEAVING THIS HOUSE. 294 00:10:05,075 --> 00:10:06,976 OKAY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SO JUMPY ABOUT? 295 00:10:06,977 --> 00:10:08,978 OH. 296 00:10:08,979 --> 00:10:11,010 YOU HAD A SLEEPOVER PARTY. 297 00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:13,012 HELLO, MEL. 298 00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:14,314 WITH ANITA?! 299 00:10:15,946 --> 00:10:18,648 OH, MEL, I'M SO SORRY. JOE SAID YOU WERE GONNA BE GONE. 300 00:10:18,649 --> 00:10:20,890 I DIDN'T WANT THERE TO BE ANY AWKWARDNESS. 301 00:10:20,891 --> 00:10:23,052 LUCKILY WE DODGED THAT BULLET. 302 00:10:23,053 --> 00:10:24,954 I DIDN'T PLAN THIS, BUT NOW THAT WE'RE ALL HERE, 303 00:10:24,955 --> 00:10:26,996 YOU KNOW WHAT MIGHT LIGHTEN THE MOOD? 304 00:10:26,997 --> 00:10:29,228 IF I MIX US UP A BATCH OF MIMOSAS. 305 00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:31,131 I COULD ALWAYS TOSS IN A LITTLE ECSTASY. 306 00:10:32,963 --> 00:10:35,404 JUST JOKING. 307 00:10:35,405 --> 00:10:36,737 IT'S NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY. 308 00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:40,069 - THAT WAS FUNNY. - OKAY NO ALCOHOL FOR ME, 309 00:10:40,070 --> 00:10:42,041 THANKS. I LIKE TO KEEP MY WITS ABOUT ME, 310 00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:44,373 AND MY JOB, AND MY BLOUSE... IS THAT MINE?! 311 00:10:44,374 --> 00:10:46,145 WHAT THIS? NO. 312 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:47,316 ( scoffs ) NO. 313 00:10:47,317 --> 00:10:49,679 YOU THINK I SNUCK INTO YOUR ROOM 314 00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:51,380 AND PULLED IT OUT OF YOUR CLOSET? 315 00:10:51,381 --> 00:10:53,022 ( laughs ) 316 00:10:53,023 --> 00:10:54,224 SILLY. 317 00:10:55,726 --> 00:10:57,757 THAT REALLY IS SILLY, MEL. THAT'S SO SILLY. 318 00:10:57,758 --> 00:11:00,029 ALL RIGHT, WELL... 319 00:11:00,030 --> 00:11:02,261 - CALL ME LATER. - OKAY. 320 00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:03,694 ALL RIGHT. 321 00:11:05,035 --> 00:11:07,666 HOW COULD YOU HAVE HER OVER HERE 322 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,368 WHEN I WORKED SO HARD TO GET RID OF HER? 323 00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:12,842 SHE IS CRAZY AND MANIPULATIVE AND SELFISH. 324 00:11:12,843 --> 00:11:14,844 AND THAT WAS DEFINITELY MY BLOUSE. 325 00:11:14,845 --> 00:11:16,906 I GOT TO TELL YOU, BURKE. A LITTLE CRAZY 326 00:11:16,907 --> 00:11:19,008 IS KINDA FUN SOMETIMES. 327 00:11:19,009 --> 00:11:20,449 AND SHE IS NOT SELFISH. BELIEVE ME. 328 00:11:20,450 --> 00:11:23,813 OKAY, SO ALL THAT MATTERS TO YOU IS THE LONGO BONGO. 329 00:11:23,814 --> 00:11:25,154 NO. NO, LOOK. 330 00:11:25,155 --> 00:11:26,685 SHE GAVE ME HER SOPPRESSATA 331 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,057 RIGHT OUT OF THE BOTTOM OF HER BASKET. 332 00:11:28,058 --> 00:11:30,289 IS THAT SOME SORT OF ITALIAN SEX CODE? 333 00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:31,420 NO, DON'T EVEN TELL ME! 334 00:11:31,421 --> 00:11:33,763 IT'S ITALIAN COLD CUTS. 335 00:11:33,764 --> 00:11:36,165 I RAN INTO HER AT ALDO'S AND SPARKS FLEW. 336 00:11:36,166 --> 00:11:39,929 SO SHE JUST HAPPENED TO BE AT ALDO'S, 337 00:11:39,930 --> 00:11:42,001 THE GOURMET STORE YOU GO TO EVERY MONDAY? 338 00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:44,033 DON'T YOU SEE WHAT'S GOING ON? 339 00:11:44,034 --> 00:11:46,135 SHE STALKED YOU. ( gasped ) 340 00:11:46,136 --> 00:11:47,476 SHE GAVE YOU THE PUPPY-DOG EYES, DIDN'T SHE? 341 00:11:47,477 --> 00:11:49,809 NO! ( scoffs ) 342 00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:52,311 I DON'T KNOW. 343 00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:54,443 SHE MIGHT HAVE. 344 00:11:54,444 --> 00:11:55,985 THIS IS HER PLAN. 345 00:11:55,986 --> 00:11:57,316 ANITA IS SLEEPING WITH YOU 346 00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,088 SO SHE CAN BE FRIENDS WITH ME AGAIN. 347 00:11:59,089 --> 00:12:01,020 SEE, YOU ARE SIMPLY THE ROAD BACK TO ME. 348 00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:03,022 HEY, HEY. I AM NOT THE ROAD BACK. 349 00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:06,025 OKAY, I AM THE DESTINATION. 350 00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:07,897 I AM THE POT OF GOLD. 351 00:12:07,898 --> 00:12:09,829 - ROAD BACK. - POT OF GOLD. 352 00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:11,100 - ROAD BACK. - POT OF GOLD. 353 00:12:11,101 --> 00:12:12,361 OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT? I REFUSE TO CONTINUE 354 00:12:12,362 --> 00:12:14,034 THIS JUVENILE EXCHANGE. 355 00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,737 ROAD BACK! 356 00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:20,069 I JUST FEEL REALLY BAD 357 00:12:20,070 --> 00:12:21,911 'CAUSE WE HAD A WONDERFUL AFTERNOON 358 00:12:21,912 --> 00:12:25,044 WHERE WE SWAPPED PASSCODES AND THEN I KIND OF RUINED IT 359 00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:26,916 BY ASKING YOU ABOUT YOUR S.A.T's, 360 00:12:26,917 --> 00:12:30,049 WHICH WAS WRONG BECAUSE GRADES AND NUMBERS DON'T MATTER. 361 00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:31,921 I'M GLAD TO HEAR IT. 362 00:12:31,922 --> 00:12:33,452 I DON'T WANT THERE TO BE ANY SECRETS BETWEEN US. 363 00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:36,856 THE TRUTH IS I DID GET MY S.A.T. RESULTS BACK. 364 00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:37,887 I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO TELL YOU. 365 00:12:37,888 --> 00:12:39,228 AWW, SWEETIE, THAT'S OKAY. 366 00:12:39,229 --> 00:12:41,060 YOU KNOW SCORES AREN'T IMPORTANT. 367 00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:42,361 I GOT A 2300. 368 00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:44,894 YOU BEAT ME BY 200 POINTS?! 369 00:12:44,895 --> 00:12:46,366 NO FREAKING WAY! 370 00:12:48,038 --> 00:12:49,398 IT'S 250. 371 00:12:49,399 --> 00:12:51,070 WHAT, ARE YOU SAYING I CAN'T ADD? 372 00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:52,371 TECHNICALLY YOU CAN'T SUBRACT. 373 00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:55,404 BUT HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE? 374 00:12:55,405 --> 00:12:57,146 I MEAN YOU'RE AN ARTIST. 375 00:12:57,147 --> 00:12:59,979 WAIT, SO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? ARTISTS AREN'T SMART? 376 00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:04,013 WELL, YEAH, THEY HAVE LIKE SPATIAL INTELLIGENCE. 377 00:13:04,014 --> 00:13:06,115 SEE, THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL YOU. 378 00:13:06,116 --> 00:13:09,919 OH, WHAT? YOU THOUGHT I'D OVERREACT?! 379 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:12,091 LET'S JUST NOT TALK ABOUT S.A.T. SCORES ANYMORE. 380 00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:14,063 WHY DON'T I HELP YOU WITH YOUR CHEM MIDTERM? 381 00:13:14,064 --> 00:13:15,965 I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP. 382 00:13:15,966 --> 00:13:17,927 I WILL DO JUST FINE ON MY OWN. 383 00:13:17,928 --> 00:13:19,999 IN FACT, I WILL BURY YOU. 384 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,031 MY OWN SISTER UNFRIENDED ME. 385 00:13:22,032 --> 00:13:24,073 WE ONCE SHARED A BATHTUB. 386 00:13:24,074 --> 00:13:27,406 WELL, YEAH, THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO IS ALIENATE HOLLY. 387 00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:29,378 YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT HURTING MY EX-GIRLFRIEND'S FEELINGS? 388 00:13:29,379 --> 00:13:32,111 'CAUSE TRUST ME SHE HAS NO FEELINGS. 389 00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:35,084 SHE'S LIKE SCARY POWERFUL. SHE HAS OVER 2,000 FRIENDS. 390 00:13:35,085 --> 00:13:36,246 YOU DON'T MESS WITH A CONNECTOR LIKE THAT. 391 00:13:40,550 --> 00:13:43,152 ZANDER, BUDDY. 392 00:13:43,153 --> 00:13:45,024 HOW'S IT GOING, MAN? 393 00:13:45,025 --> 00:13:46,325 BAD. 394 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,057 LENNOX IS FREAKING OUT 395 00:13:48,058 --> 00:13:49,398 BECAUSE I OUTSCORED HER ON THE S.A.T's. 396 00:13:49,399 --> 00:13:51,430 ( laughs ) YOU TOLD HER WHAT YOU GOT? 397 00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:54,463 THE S.A.T's DO NOT MEASURE COMMON SENSE APPARENTLY. 398 00:13:54,464 --> 00:13:56,305 YEAH, I DON'T KNOW A LOT ABOUT GIRLS, 399 00:13:56,306 --> 00:13:58,407 BUT I DO KNOW A LOT ABOUT LENNOX. 400 00:13:58,408 --> 00:14:00,109 LET HER WIN 401 00:14:00,110 --> 00:14:02,112 UNLESS YOU WANT A BATTLESHIP SHOVED UP YOUR NOSE. 402 00:14:04,975 --> 00:14:07,216 WOW, IT SMELLS AMAZING IN HERE. WHAT'S FOR DINNER? 403 00:14:07,217 --> 00:14:09,018 OH, WE'RE GONNA START OFF WITH A LITTLE BRUSCHETTA, 404 00:14:09,019 --> 00:14:10,049 THEN GO TO MUSSELS WITH WHITE WINE. 405 00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:11,350 AND FOR THE FINALE, 406 00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,352 HANDMADE LOBSTER-STUFFED RAVIOLI. 407 00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,324 WOW, WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE ALL THIS? 408 00:14:15,325 --> 00:14:17,856 NOT A DAMN THING. IT'S FOR ANITA. 409 00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:18,988 WHAT DO I GET? 410 00:14:18,989 --> 00:14:20,189 EGG SALAD SANDWICH. 411 00:14:20,190 --> 00:14:22,562 I THINK THOSE DARK SPOTS IN THERE ARE BACON BITS. 412 00:14:25,095 --> 00:14:26,395 FUNNY HOW ALL OF YOUR DATES WITH ANITA 413 00:14:26,396 --> 00:14:29,298 SEEM TO TAKE PLACE AT MY HOUSE WHERE I AM. 414 00:14:29,299 --> 00:14:31,600 WRONG. TONIGHT WE'RE GONNA BE EATING THIS AT HER PLACE. 415 00:14:31,601 --> 00:14:33,272 YEAH, I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE FOR US TO DINE 416 00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:36,075 WHERE THE AMBIANCE IS A LITTLE LESS... 417 00:14:36,076 --> 00:14:37,306 YOU. 418 00:14:37,307 --> 00:14:39,008 OH, I SEE. 419 00:14:39,009 --> 00:14:41,350 I SUGGESTED HER PLACE AND SHE SAID "YEAH, GREAT." 420 00:14:41,351 --> 00:14:43,382 WELL, THEN I GUESS, GOOD FOR YOU. 421 00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,884 ( Joe's phone rings ) 422 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,057 LOOK AT THAT, IT'S ANITA. 423 00:14:48,058 --> 00:14:50,159 - ( beeps ) - HEY. 424 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:52,561 YEAH, I'M JUST PACKING UP. I'LL BE OVER IN A FEW. 425 00:14:52,562 --> 00:14:54,924 YOU HAD A WHAT? 426 00:14:54,925 --> 00:14:57,097 A GAS LEAK? ARE YOU OKAY? 427 00:14:59,229 --> 00:15:01,570 UM, YEAH, NO. THAT'S FINE. 428 00:15:01,571 --> 00:15:03,302 WE COULD... 429 00:15:03,303 --> 00:15:04,673 WE COULD JUST EAT OVER HERE. 430 00:15:04,674 --> 00:15:07,036 OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU SHORTLY. 431 00:15:07,037 --> 00:15:08,207 BYE-BYE. 432 00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:10,509 HMM. 433 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,411 GAS LEAK, THAT'S CONVENIENT. 434 00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:15,284 YOU CAN'T SEE IT AND THERE'S NO LINGERING EVIDENCE. 435 00:15:15,285 --> 00:15:17,446 - WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? - "DUH" IS WHAT I'M SAYING. 436 00:15:17,447 --> 00:15:19,148 THIS MEAL WAS NEVER GONNA TAKE PLACE 437 00:15:19,149 --> 00:15:20,149 AT HER HOUSE, JOE. 438 00:15:20,150 --> 00:15:21,021 SHE'S AFTER ME. 439 00:15:21,022 --> 00:15:23,052 UH-UH. NO, NO. YOU KNOW WHAT? 440 00:15:23,053 --> 00:15:24,093 SHE'S INTO ME, OKAY. 441 00:15:24,094 --> 00:15:25,924 AND I CAN PROVE IT TO YOU SCIENTIFICALLY. 442 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:28,127 SO CLEARLY AS A MATTER OF FACT THAT EVEN YOU WITH YOUR 443 00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:30,029 BLONDE HELMET OF DENIAL WILL HAVE TO ACCEPT IT. 444 00:15:30,030 --> 00:15:31,060 ALL RIGHT? 445 00:15:31,061 --> 00:15:32,361 LOOK, I GOT A PLAN. 446 00:15:32,362 --> 00:15:34,033 I'M JUST GONNA NEED YOUR HELP. 447 00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,335 YEAH, SURE. YOU KNOW I'LL DO WHATEVER I HAVE TO DO 448 00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:38,167 TO MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A FOOL. 449 00:15:38,168 --> 00:15:39,568 JUST EAT YOUR CRAPPY SANDWICH. 450 00:15:39,569 --> 00:15:41,371 JOKES ON YOU. IT'S DELICIOUS. 451 00:15:46,116 --> 00:15:47,617 ( doorbell rings ) 452 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:53,682 YEOW, I GOT MY TEST BACK. 453 00:15:53,683 --> 00:15:55,684 THAT CHEM MIDTERM BEAT ME UP AND TOOK MY LUNCH MONEY. 454 00:15:55,685 --> 00:15:57,386 OH, I'M SORRY. 455 00:15:57,387 --> 00:15:59,528 NOT THAT GRADES ARE IMPORTANT, BUT HOW BAD? 456 00:15:59,529 --> 00:16:01,630 - A "C" MINUS. - I GOT AN "A" MINUS, HA! 457 00:16:01,631 --> 00:16:05,594 WHY DID I SAY THAT? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? 458 00:16:05,595 --> 00:16:07,036 IT'S OKAY, BABE. WE SHARE. 459 00:16:07,037 --> 00:16:08,667 YOU WERE JUST SHARING LOUDLY. 460 00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:10,739 IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S A COMPETITION. 461 00:16:10,740 --> 00:16:14,573 BUT TO ME IT IS. OH MY GOD. 462 00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:17,376 I'M COMPETITIVE... TOO COMPETITIVE. 463 00:16:17,377 --> 00:16:18,707 IT'S JUST WHO YOU ARE. 464 00:16:18,708 --> 00:16:20,579 YEAH, BUT IT'S NOT WHO I WANT TO BE. 465 00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:22,481 YOU KNOW I NEED TO BECOME A BETTER PERSON. 466 00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:26,286 MAYBE EVEN THE BEST PERSON... OH MY GOD, I'M DOING IT AGAIN! 467 00:16:27,717 --> 00:16:30,019 HOW CAN YOU STAND HAVING ME AS A GIRLFRIEND? 468 00:16:30,020 --> 00:16:31,690 'CAUSE YOU'RE AN AMAZING GIRLFRIEND. 469 00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:33,692 THE BEST GIRLFRIEND EVER. 470 00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:35,694 AND THAT'S A COMPETITION YOU CAN'T HELP BUT WIN. 471 00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:38,397 AWW. 472 00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:40,070 YOU KNOW WHAT OTHER COMPETITION YOU WIN? 473 00:16:41,231 --> 00:16:44,303 BEST SISTER. 474 00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:45,634 I'M NOT REFRIENDING YOU. 475 00:16:45,635 --> 00:16:48,107 NOT IN REAL LIFE, JUST ON FACEBOOK. 476 00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:50,379 I'M DOWN TO NINE FRIENDS. 477 00:16:50,380 --> 00:16:52,311 AND SOON YOU'LL BE DOWN TO ZERO. 478 00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:53,713 JUST LET GO. 479 00:16:55,085 --> 00:16:57,586 LOOK, I'M SORRY YOU DID SO POORLY ON YOUR TEST, 480 00:16:57,587 --> 00:16:59,188 BUT I KNOW WHAT'LL FIX THIS. 481 00:16:59,189 --> 00:17:01,390 WE GOT A HIDDEN STASH OF RYDER'S PORK RINDS IN THE GARAGE. 482 00:17:01,391 --> 00:17:04,353 HEY, THOSE ARE FOR FRIENDS ONLY. 483 00:17:04,354 --> 00:17:06,396 THAT'S WHY THERE'S SO MUCH OF IT OUT THERE. 484 00:17:07,197 --> 00:17:09,528 A "C" MINUS, HUH? 485 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:12,331 SO YOU LISTENED TO YOUR UNCLE RYDER, 486 00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:14,803 TANKED THE TEST ON PURPOSE, LET HER WIN, GOOD MAN. 487 00:17:14,804 --> 00:17:16,435 ACTUALLY, I WOULD NEVER TANK A TEST. 488 00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:17,566 THAT'S MY BUDDY DAN'S TEST. 489 00:17:17,567 --> 00:17:19,809 AND LUCKILY HE SMOKES A LOT OF WEED. 490 00:17:21,611 --> 00:17:24,513 YEAH, I JUST WHITED OUT HIS NAME AND PUT IN MINE. 491 00:17:24,514 --> 00:17:26,645 WOW, NICE TWIST. I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING. 492 00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:29,278 YOU KNOW WE COULD LEARN A LOT FROM EACH OTHER. 493 00:17:29,279 --> 00:17:31,180 HOW ABOUT I FRIEND YOU? 494 00:17:31,181 --> 00:17:33,182 I DON'T THINK LENNOX WOULD LIKE THAT VERY MUCH. 495 00:17:33,183 --> 00:17:34,453 YOU KNOW WHAT SHE WOULDN'T LIKE? 496 00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:35,684 FINDING OUT THAT YOU LIED TO HER 497 00:17:35,685 --> 00:17:37,227 ABOUT THE WHOLE TEST THING. 498 00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:40,259 OKAY, FRIEND REQUEST ACCEPTED. 499 00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:43,163 YES! BACK TO DOUBLE DIGITS. 500 00:17:43,633 --> 00:17:46,095 - TO US. - YES. 501 00:17:46,096 --> 00:17:47,336 TO US. 502 00:17:47,337 --> 00:17:48,697 ANITA, LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING. 503 00:17:48,698 --> 00:17:50,639 DO YOU THINK IT'S A LITTLE STRANGE 504 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:52,741 THAT YOU AND I ARE ALWAYS HAVING OUR MEALS 505 00:17:52,742 --> 00:17:53,842 HERE IN MEL'S DINING ROOM? 506 00:17:53,843 --> 00:17:55,344 I DON'T MIND. 507 00:17:55,345 --> 00:17:57,646 ANYWHERE YOU ARE IS THE PLACE I WANT TO BE. 508 00:17:57,647 --> 00:18:00,078 THAT'S SO NICE TO HEAR. 509 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,681 AND YET NOT SURPRISING. 510 00:18:03,513 --> 00:18:05,414 HEY, I HOPE YOU LIKE THE WINE. 511 00:18:05,415 --> 00:18:08,418 THIS IS A VERY SPECIAL BOTTLE. 512 00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:12,722 ( loudly ) IT'S A VERY SPECIAL BOTTLE! 513 00:18:14,824 --> 00:18:17,326 MEL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 514 00:18:17,327 --> 00:18:18,568 I THOUGHT YOU WERE WORKING LATE TONIGHT. 515 00:18:19,569 --> 00:18:20,729 WELL, THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN. 516 00:18:20,730 --> 00:18:22,371 WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL, JOE LONGO? 517 00:18:22,372 --> 00:18:24,833 I'M JUST TRYING TO HAVE 518 00:18:24,834 --> 00:18:26,535 A ROMANTIC DINNER HERE WITH ANITA. 519 00:18:26,536 --> 00:18:27,637 WELL, THIS DATE IS OVER. 520 00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:30,679 MY HOUSE, MY RULES. 521 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:32,241 YOU DON'T LIKE IT, YOU CAN GET OUT! 522 00:18:32,242 --> 00:18:34,613 YOU... YOU KNOW WHAT? UM... 523 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,645 ( awkwardly ) MAYBE I WILL. 524 00:18:36,646 --> 00:18:39,388 OKAY? BECAUSE THIS HAS BEEN A LONG TIME COMING 525 00:18:39,389 --> 00:18:41,690 AND THAT SMALL FINAL ACT HAS BEEN THE TIPPING POINT 526 00:18:41,691 --> 00:18:43,592 THAT HAS FINALLY... 527 00:18:43,593 --> 00:18:44,753 TIPPED ME. 528 00:18:44,754 --> 00:18:47,296 I QUIT. 529 00:18:47,297 --> 00:18:48,297 WAIT, WHAT? 530 00:18:48,298 --> 00:18:49,628 OH, WELL, REAL QUICK. 531 00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,129 BEFORE YOU QUIT, YOU'RE FIRED! 532 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:54,263 NO, YOU GUYS CAN STILL WORK THINGS OUT. 533 00:18:54,264 --> 00:18:55,564 NO, I DON'T WANT TO WORK THINGS OUT. 534 00:18:55,565 --> 00:18:57,706 COME ON, ANITA. WE WILL BE SO MUCH HAPPIER, 535 00:18:57,707 --> 00:18:58,737 THE FURTHER WE ARE AWAY FROM HER. 536 00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:00,539 BUT... BUT BREAKING THINGS OFF 537 00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:02,211 IS SUCH A DRASTIC STEP. 538 00:19:02,212 --> 00:19:04,443 I MEAN ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S SOMEONE AS GREAT AS MEL. 539 00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:06,345 NO, BUT I WANT TO. COME ON, LETS GET OUT OF HERE. 540 00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:08,377 WE'LL NEVER HAVE TO SEE HER EVER AGAIN. 541 00:19:08,378 --> 00:19:10,450 BUT I WAS SO CLOSE TO GETTING HER BACK! 542 00:19:12,522 --> 00:19:14,353 WHAT WAS THAT, ANITA? I DON'T THINK JOE HEARD YOU. 543 00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:16,655 ONE OF HIS BRAINS IS DEAF. 544 00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:21,360 LOOK, I WANT YOU BACK IN MY LIFE, MELLY. 545 00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:23,432 AND I WAS WILLING TO TAKE DESPERATE MEASURES 546 00:19:23,433 --> 00:19:24,564 TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN. 547 00:19:26,596 --> 00:19:28,897 I'M DESPERATE MEASURES? 548 00:19:28,898 --> 00:19:31,640 I'M THE POT OF GOLD. 549 00:19:31,641 --> 00:19:34,673 THAT SOUNDED BAD. 550 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,575 YOU THINK? 551 00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:37,706 YOU'RE SWEET, JOE. 552 00:19:37,707 --> 00:19:40,649 BUT YOU WERE A MEANS TO AN END... 553 00:19:40,650 --> 00:19:46,315 A FUN AND VERY BOUNCY MEANS TO AN END. 554 00:19:46,316 --> 00:19:48,787 YOU KNOW WHAT? 555 00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:50,220 I'M OKAY WITH THAT. 556 00:19:51,461 --> 00:19:53,592 ANITA, I THINK IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GO. 557 00:19:53,593 --> 00:19:56,194 OH, BUT MEL... 558 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,797 HEY, SHE'S DOING THE EYES. LOOK AWAY. LOOK AWAY. 559 00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:00,629 BUT, MEL, DON'T YOU WANT ALL YOUR BLOUSES BACK? 560 00:20:00,630 --> 00:20:03,332 ALL?! HOW MANY DID YOU TAKE? 561 00:20:03,333 --> 00:20:04,373 WRITE THEM OFF, BURKE, ALL RIGHT. 562 00:20:04,374 --> 00:20:05,434 IT'S THE COST OF DOING BUSINESS. 563 00:20:05,435 --> 00:20:06,705 ANITA, LISTEN. LISTEN. 564 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,277 I'M SO SORRY. 565 00:20:08,278 --> 00:20:10,479 THIS IS NOT GONNA WORK OUT, BUT I'M SURE 566 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,841 WITH YOUR WINNING ATTITUDE 567 00:20:12,842 --> 00:20:14,513 AND YOUR VERY DANGEROUS PERSONALITY, 568 00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:15,784 THAT YOU'LL HAVE NO PROBLEM SCAMMING YOUR WAY 569 00:20:15,785 --> 00:20:17,616 INTO ANOTHER FRIENDSHIP VERY SOON. 570 00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:19,289 SO THANK YOU AND GOOD LUCK. 571 00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:25,754 WHY ARE THE HOT ONES ALWAYS SO DAMN CRAZY? 572 00:20:25,755 --> 00:20:27,596 LOOK, I KNOW THAT WAS HARD FOR YOU. 573 00:20:27,597 --> 00:20:29,428 IF IT'S TOO PAINFUL, WE DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT. 574 00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:31,500 NO, IT'S OKAY. I'M A BIG BOY. I CAN HANDLE IT. 575 00:20:31,501 --> 00:20:34,633 WELL, IN THAT CASE, 576 00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:37,536 ♪ I WAS RIGHT. I WAS RIGHT ♪ 577 00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:38,767 ♪ I WAS RIGHT... ♪ 578 00:20:38,768 --> 00:20:40,008 - BOOM. - I DON'T KNOW HOW... 579 00:20:40,009 --> 00:20:43,812 I DON'T KNOW HOW PEOPLE CAN BE FRIENDS WITH YOU. 580 00:20:43,813 --> 00:20:46,645 I MEAN I DON'T... I DON'T... 581 00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:48,677 I DON'T SEE THE APPEAL. I REALLY... 582 00:20:48,678 --> 00:20:51,281 I'M STILL NOT SEEING IT. 583 00:20:58,488 --> 00:20:59,828 I'M BACK. I'M BACK BIG-TIME. 584 00:20:59,829 --> 00:21:00,859 LOOK AT THIS. 585 00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:03,031 800 NEW FRIENDS IN THE PAST TWO HOURS. 586 00:21:03,032 --> 00:21:04,633 HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? 587 00:21:04,634 --> 00:21:05,894 I ACCEPTED A FRIEND REQUEST 588 00:21:05,895 --> 00:21:06,895 FROM AUNT MEL'S FRIEND ANITA. 589 00:21:06,896 --> 00:21:08,297 - WHAT? - WHAT? 590 00:21:08,298 --> 00:21:09,638 YEAH, AND SHE STARTED POSTING 591 00:21:09,639 --> 00:21:11,770 ALL THESE PICTURES OF HERSELF SUNBATHING IN COSTA RICA 592 00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:12,842 AND ALL OF A SUDDEN I BLEW UP. 593 00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:16,475 TAKE THAT, HOLLY. IN YOUR FACE. 594 00:21:16,476 --> 00:21:18,547 OH, WOW. 595 00:21:18,548 --> 00:21:20,849 ANITA WANTS TO STOP BY A LITTLE LATER. SAY, HI. 596 00:21:20,850 --> 00:21:22,981 - MAN, SHE IS THE COOLEST. - NO! 597 00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:23,983 LOCK THE DOORS. LOCK THE DOORS.